this sure is a log or something

[sugardoom]

"Karkat," Theo said, "I think you need to see his latest reply."

Karkat stopped typing for a moment and leaned over to read the newest block of indigo text on Theo's computer screen. Theo saw the corner of his mouth twitch slightly.

"Oh GOD. That is so fucking creepy. Shit."

It was the reaction Theo had been expecting Karkat to have. The entirety of Theo's conversation with the Highblood seemed to be putting him on edge, which was exactly the reason Theo had requested he be privy to it. While Karkat tended to blow things out of proportion and worry where it wasn't needed, his over-sensitivity was not necessarily a bad thing in this situation. Better safe than sorry, after all, especially when dealing with a troll as dangerous as the one with whom Theo was very calmly discussing favored methods of psychological torture.

"I think he pulled something out of my head once when I met him in person that one time," Karkat continued. "He told me he'd help me do the things I wanted to do. I told him no, of course."

Of course. That was the logical course of action: to say no. To not engage. For a few moments, Theo was silent. He knew what he wanted to do, and he also knew that his judgment was hardly the best in these sorts of situations. He knew that Karkat would take policing him seriously: it was why he had asked him to do so in the first place. He knew that he wouldn't judge, or at least, he wouldn't judge openly.

"Is it bad that I'm considering accepting his offer?"

"It's probably a really dumb idea," Karkat said bluntly. And then, more quietly: "Are you sure you could handle it?"

Theo stared at the wall of indigo text without really seeing it. "There isn't anything I fear that I don't already know about. If what he does is try to frighten you by making you face things you don't want to face, then he's too late."

He heard Karkat shift uncomfortably. "Yeah, I guess I sort of did that to you already by accident. Sorry." Theo didn't have to look to know that he was biting his lip, like he always did when he was nervous or wanted to say something and wasn't sure how well it would be received. And then, like it always did, it all came rushing out at once.

"Just... shit. If you really, really wanted to try this, I guess I could let you. I think it's a really fucking dumb idea, but if you really want to. Just, don't you dare do it without me! I know that Troll Me doesn't want me around the Highblood. I get that. I even get why, sort of?"

He stood up and began to pace. Theo didn't look up, but he followed the path of Karkat's shoes back and forth on the other side of the table.

"But. Shit. I wouldn't let you do that alone. I guess I could cover my face. And, you'd want to do it on neutral ground. Not your land. Not his. Rosela's."

Theo knew what a terrible idea that would be. With Rosela recently dead and with how close she had been to the Highblood, an invitation to her land would likely not go over well. It was simply too soon. But Karkat was caught in one of those moments where he needed to be allowed to keep talking until he exhausted his own panic, and so Theo waited patiently, listening.

"Shit. You're completely fucking insane, you know. I know, mad scientist, it's in the job description. But... Shit. Shiiiiit." He stopped pacing. Theo worked on memorizing his shoes. "Theo? Are you listening or am I babbling out loud?"

"Both." He closed his eyes, adjusted his glasses. "I agree with you about doing it on neutral ground. I certainly wouldn't want to meet him in the heart of his lair."

"Yeah. I can't believe I was going to." Karkat sighed and flopped back down into his seat, running one hand through his hair.

"Jesus fuck. I really am as stupid as Troll Me said I was. You really want to do this?"

"I don't know." No. They both knew that wasn't true. "Yes. I want to. I don't know if I should."

Karkat let out a long breath. "Okay. Why do you want to?"

That was a very good question. Theo had a firm suspicion that 'because science!' wasn't quite what Karkat was looking for here, either.

"He... intrigues me. His philosophy, his psychology, his abilities."

The problem with being a madman was that one found oneself inexplicably drawn to other madmen, and the Highblood was certainly that, regardless of his species. There was something amazing about the idea of a being with the ability to reach in one's mind and sift through what they found there down to the very deepest personal level. Of course, given the nature of mental intrusion, there was no way to truly understand such an ability unless one was under its influence, and that was where deciding whether this was a good idea or not became tricky.

He had faced his fears. Karkat had forced him to face his fears: talking Karkat through what made a man a monster had been a bit too applicable to his own situation to ignore, and while he knew where they had decided the line was and knew he hadn't crossed it, privately he wasn't so sure that made it any better.

"That is the problem with being a Spark: your curiosity is directly related to your lack of judgement."

"Yeah, no shit," Karkat said, tearing at his hair. "God, I suck at this stopping you thing."

"Do you need the Calm again?"

"Yeah. Maybe. It can't hurt."

Karkat stopped pulling at his already-messy hair and took Theo's hands, breathing Calm into the both of them for the second time that night. It still wasn't a sensation Theo was used to. It was like the Sparky part of his brain was deadened and he couldn't hear that constant, electrified voice telling him to make stupid decisions. For Karkat, the Calm quieted his worries, but for Theo, it quieted his Madness and left him with only his sanity. It still felt oh so slightly uncomfortable beneath the serenity in a way that he couldn't place.

"Okay."

"Okay," Karkat agreed, in that Calm voice so very different from his usual.

"I think what we need if we do this," Theo said, "Is a plan."

"Yeah. That is definitely what we need."

"First, we need to decide where would be a good place. Rosela's planet is vacant, so I suppose that could work."

They'd deal with how bad an idea it was later. Plans could always be retooled, after all.

"Yeah, and it's way closer to where we are than it is where he is, so we'd be able to retreat fast if we needed to. And we need some way of covering my face, because Troll Me doesn't want the Highblood to be able to recognize him, and we do look exactly alike. Well, within reason, given the difference in age and species."

"You don't need to come, if it would be too dangerous to you and the other Karkat."

Karkat looked at him as though he were crazy, which, to be fair, he was. Their hands slipped apart.

"Like fuck I'm going to let you go alone, Theo, are you kidding me?"

"I don't want my curiosity to get you hurt!"

"And I don't want you dealing with him without me!"

For a moment they simply looked at each other. Theo honestly hadn't thought of how dangerous this might be for Karkat if he insisted (and it looked like he was insisting) on being a part of it. Not for the first time, his urge to do something stupid but fascinating warred with his urge to protect someone he cared for.

"I saw your face when you were typing to him, Theo," Karkat continued. "You respond to him."

Theo felt a stab of guilt he hadn't been expecting.

"I know. I know! I'm a Spark, we respond to charisma! Even through text, apparently, we respond to those who display dominance and confidence. We feed into each other."

"Yeah," said Karkat severely. "So you don't get to go alone. You need someone there who isn't a fucking Spark, okay? Or a fucking clown. And we don't do it tonight."

"No, of course not."

Karkat nodded forcefully. "We wait a couple days. See if you still want to so fucking much. And we get Gamzee to be there too."

Wait, what?

"Why?"

"Because if you're going to have someone there with you, it's only fair that he gets to have someone with him. Otherwise, he might think I'm with you so we can jump him. I mean, he might not necessarily assume that, but he could. It's a show of good faith to let him bring Gamzee if you're bringing me. And you're not not bringing me, Theo, I am putting my fucking foot down. So if you get to have me, he gets to have Gamzee."

Theo wasn't quite certain he followed Karkat's logic, but the boy was looking at him with such fierce finality that he knew it would be foolish to try and argue.

"Alright. I think... I think you're right to insist. It is your job, after all."

"Yeah, no shit."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

Theo shrugged. "For talking this through with me and stopping me from making a very rash decision."

In truth, he was more than a little disappointed. Under that disappointment, though, he knew that Karkat was right, and he knew that no matter which way he approached it the simple truth was that associating with the Highblood at all was a bad idea. He had asked Karkat to police him. He had no right to feel disappointed when Karkat did as he was asked.

"I still haven't completely stopped you. We're still trying to figure out how we could pull this shit off without fucking ourselves over. But... I guess I kept you from haring off right fucking now. So." He took Theo by the shoulders. "We don't do anything for a couple days. We don't even decide for a couple days. We make this decision fucking together. And if we decide yes, we invite him to Rosela's land. I come with you. I'll cover my face. I had that ridiculous looking mask computer on when I met him before, that seemed to have done the trick. I'll wear that or goggles and cover the lower half with a bandana. We will tell him he can bring Gamzee, as a gesture of good faith. And also because I trust Gamzee to help us if shit goes down in a bad, bad way."

Theo nodded. "Alright. I did say we needed a plan. And this is a good one, for now. I'll tell him."

He leaned over and began to type. He hoped the Highblood wouldn't be offended by a request for time to think.

"Also," Karkat continued, "If shit looks like it's going to go bad, we get the fuck out of dodge. And I am to be the judge of shit going bad, Theo, because you have no judgement when science is concerned. Okay? Okay."

Theo hit send and looked up just in time to see Karkat cross his arms and put on what was clearly the most forceful glare he could muster. He was going so far as to stand, since there was no other way he could possibly loom over a man a foot taller than him. It was rather cute, actually. Theo did his best to keep a straight face. He would have to explain to Karkat later that charisma and bossiness were not the same thing, and while Karkat was excellent at the latter, he didn't have nearly enough of the former to have the same effect on Theo that another stronger Spark would.

"Okay."

"Good."

Oh no. That did it. Theo gave a small laugh before he could stop himself.

"I'm sorry!" he said, holding up a hand before Karkat could be offended. "You're just so serious! And it's a good thing. It really, really is. What you're saying is true."

"Yeah, no shit it is." Karkat sighed and uncrossed his arms so that he could ruffle Theo's hair. "I just worry the fuck about you, you know?"

"I know. You're right to."

"I mean, you're a really smart guy, but sometimes you're really dumb."